Pootin'-nanny

Originally posted in an old blog which was blasted from the web universe by

the Evil Corporate Empire in a galaxy far far away

{Monday, November 13, 2006}

Kids,

Brutally honest little devils they can be sometimes.

After having 3 kids I thought there was nothing more that they could

possibly say or do to embarrass me in public. I am continually proven wrong.

My daughter and I set out to our local drug store to buy a few of this-and-thats.

We were standing in one aisle as I was reading over the label of a snack item

to see just what I was going to be eating when I noticed we had a

potential member of an audience join us in the aisle.

Without fail, my 4 year old daughter says (quite loudly), "Mom! You pooted!!"

without missing a beat I nonchalantly answer, "Not this time darling"

"oh yes you DID!", she argues.

"I most certainly did not, that was you lil miss stink butts"

at this point she seems a bit distressed that she could not pin the offense on me.

I still see our "audience" is with us from the corner of my eye when

I am overtaken by an odor most foul.

"Gag a maggot, 'Riss! You're gonna kill someone with that one!"

Poor dear was near tears when I suddenly realize my daughter's innocence.

As I glance up to see that we are still not alone,

I see a little older lady high-tailing it around the corner.

I quickly give my daughter a hug and tell her I was sorry and that I did not think it either of us. I felt so bad for the little old lady and the embarrassment she had just endured

as well as blaming the crime on my daughter which she was completely innocent (this time).

We quickly finish our little shopping adventure and proceed to the checkout.

Just when I thought the worst was over:

My daughter is tugging on my arm as the cashier scans the last item.

"MOM!", she says in her not so whispery voice "there's the stinky lady!!"

I look up in horror and see that the culprit is right behind us in line.

I quickly swipe my card, wish the cashier a good day, grab my daughter

and our bags and quickly leave the store.

Candy bar for peace offering: .99

2 drinks: $2.49

Dove candy bar to help with my guilt: $1.89 (( i bought 2!! ))

the look on the stinky ladies face: PRICELESS!

The Burning Nillas

It was supposed to be one of those quiet afternoons but kids have a way of redefining the term and on this particular day, completely erase it from one's vocabulary. It had not only been a long day of walking back and forth from the hospital but also my muscles were screaming with the aches and pains of having visited the gym the day before. I had decided I would settle down for a quick nap before our Thursday night venture out to play Bingo. I made sure Mr Hubby Man knew that I was going to be out of commission for the next hour and he would be the only parent on duty. Before I drifted off I vaguely remember my daughter telling me she was hungry and the last few words I managed to utter were "tell your daddy" and then I drifted comfortably and soundly to sleep ~ UNTIL I was suddenly awakened by the sharp, loud blasts of the fire alarms in the house going off.

I lept out of bed in a dazed and half-conscious state while I clumsily made my way out of our bedroom where I was met by my husband who was almost to the top of the stairs urging me to get out. I could smell a sweet but smokey smell drifting throughout the house. Believe me when I say to run down the stairs is no easy task especially when every muscle in your legs feels like you have been through Willy Wonka's Taffy Puller which makes it fairly impossible to do!! Agony does not begin to describe my journey to the bottom of those stairs.

I immediately looked around for the kids who were already several feet away from the building waiting in the front yard while other residents of the Fisher House were making their way out or were already on the porch waiting until the fire trucks arrived. At this moment and for reasons that defy any sort of explanation, my thoughts turned toward my daughter and our last conversation before I fell asleep. Also, for some unearthly idea, I had a feeling she might have had something to do with the mysterious smoke which for now, she was denying having any knowledge of the source or who might have been responsible for its existence.

After the fire marshal and the crew checked the house to make sure everything was okay and the cause of all the chaos had been discovered, we checked inside the microwave to see what all the fuss was about. "Someone" had stuck Vanilla Wafers in the microwave a wee bit too long.



The firefighters gave everyone the "go" to return to the house and my youngest boy was given a special treat to sit in the fire truck





My daughter finally admitted to putting the Nillas in the microwave and explained that she wanted to melt the cookies. We learned some very important lessons that day: #1 - Nillas don't melt and #2 - Taking naps can have potentially hazardous results

Proof Little Green Monsters Exist

Today was like most days, fairly uneventful. Wait, that's a lie because everyday around my place is actually a family circus and I got the monkeys to prove it. Anyways, I am just amazed with my ability to know things without actually knowing them. Some call it a mother's intuition. I like to call it a disturbance in the force. So, there I was sitting at the computer when I felt that disturbance. I turn around and two of my children are at the couch playing with their toys and just as i thought, my daughter was nowhere in sight.

hmmm

so i call out to her ...

" BABY GIRL?? "

" baby mom!!! "

" where is my lil princess? "

pause ....

" in my room "

I laugh to myself cause that little voice did NOT come from that direction ... sure enough I follow my "senses" which lead me to the backyard and what I saw I cannot explain ... but here's picture proof that little green monsters do in fact exist.